tO mYseLf.. SteVvY. Always remember me...

2010-12-03T08:13:00.001+08:00

Booya.. omw to sch after watching the match last night

2010-12-02T02:37:00.001+08:00

Lol puck did 7 mins of heaven loren

2010-12-02T02:07:00.001+08:00

Yummy glee s02e09!

2010-12-01T17:32:00.001+08:00

Woohoo fyp demo completed.. As good as done

2010-12-01T09:54:00.001+08:00

Not only is the bus driver a f1 wannabe... He is also a heart breaker... No I mean HARD BRAKER

2010-12-01T09:50:00.003+08:00

Bus*

2010-12-01T09:50:00.001+08:00

Wah f1 wannabe nus driver

2010-11-30T08:22:00.001+08:00

Too early indeed...

2010-11-16T08:18:00.001+08:00

Thin clouds and super sunny!

2010-11-16T04:28:00.001+08:00

What the hell is wrong with me... Why can't I get to sleep!

2010-11-11T08:47:00.001+08:00

Haaaaa late liao

2010-11-07T00:31:00.001+08:00

Ok... I have to do this one way or another... Those who want to see Me act... Remember to get your tickets for ISF

2010-10-31T02:19:00.001+08:00

Sorry I might ignore some wall posts for today

2010-10-31T01:19:00.001+08:00

Ahh I hate the date... So.. Ya so stop greeting me... :p
L

2010-10-28T08:14:00.001+08:00

Early but ultra tired...gg

2010-10-28T08:05:00.001+08:00

Woot.. Extra early on a thursday morning just in case bus decides to be late.but already on it!

2010-10-21T21:09:00.001+08:00

Quote of the day: what Is the song of the title?
Gg...

2010-10-21T08:32:00.001+08:00

Ita thursday again... And the bus seems late again! Why?

2010-10-17T14:22:00.001+08:00

The weather is so not nice...

2010-10-14T09:07:00.001+08:00

Dear 169 bus driver of plate number Tib1094E. Drive fast but safe la...brake so hard..u've got quite a lot of people standing...

2010-10-14T09:02:00.001+08:00

Thx bus! You just showed that i being early DOES NOT mean u will.

2010-10-12T09:00:00.001+08:00

Well well well wet better than hot for me. Thanks rain

2010-10-12T08:52:00.001+08:00

Finally back to my tee + berms... But still hate the weather...

2010-10-10T15:08:00.001+08:00

Ta dai ma! Daisuki fukoka!

2010-10-05T00:26:00.001+08:00

Bye Singapore! Will miss my frens!

2010-10-04T23:19:00.001+08:00

Well we literally checked in to T3

2010-09-25T02:21:00.001+08:00

zZZZZ

2010-09-20T22:07:00.001+08:00

Xinwang has some great song tracks, old songs but great songs

2010-09-07T18:20:00.001+08:00

Instruments yt... Gg? Yea... Huattttt arhhhhhh!

2010-09-06T16:13:00.001+08:00

crap!! Stuck in the rain...at busstop zzzzzz

2010-09-06T15:54:00.001+08:00

1 ut down 3 more to go!

2010-08-31T16:57:00.001+08:00

What excuse is it to say you can't print because the school network is slow? Get a direct connection then

2010-08-31T16:07:00.001+08:00

Cant believe the printing service in school requires you to pay first then check for problems.. Bad customer service... Worst they demand payment 1st.... Photocopying service in lib near e1

2010-08-17T11:33:00.001+08:00

wat a warm day at nus -.-

2010-08-11T08:15:00.001+08:00

Fyp presentation starts in 45mins.. full force ahead!

2010-08-09T22:47:00.001+08:00

Joke of the day.. gkg says to a kid: y not i change seats with u? I sit on jiejie(wl) leg :)

2010-08-09T15:18:00.001+08:00

Yea reached city hall in 1 piece. but its flooded with ppl already! National songs are playin all over the streets and everywhere is barricaded oh my!

2010-08-08T22:34:00.003+08:00

Is it me or chelsea has more chances?

2010-08-08T22:34:00.001+08:00

Is it me or chelsea has more xhances

2010-07-31T19:59:00.001+08:00

Waitin 4 fireworks

2010-07-27T08:57:00.001+08:00

I'll just take facilities and planning module... =/ hope thats easy

2010-07-22T08:45:00.001+08:00

oh great rain+overslept....

2010-07-20T08:58:00.001+08:00

y I sho early today???

2010-07-16T08:24:00.001+08:00

hope there's no lab today

2010-07-13T08:45:00.001+08:00

tonight is gonna be 1 hot night... cloudless morning omg

2010-07-09T20:05:00.001+08:00

anyone notice a ultra big n bright star? in the sky?

2010-07-07T10:09:00.001+08:00

ahh clever do worksheet on desktop, forgot to bring..for later

2010-07-06T08:39:00.001+08:00

feels like its gonna rain, doesn't look like its gonna tho..

2010-07-02T09:32:00.001+08:00

overslept again zzzzz omw to ach nw T. T

2010-07-01T08:55:00.001+08:00

gonnabe late for 9.15 class damn

2010-07-01T08:52:00.001+08:00

argh gonna be late for 9:15

2010-06-30T08:34:00.001+08:00

worst combo to start the day today... sheesh...

2010-06-29T09:09:00.001+08:00

the cloudless sky above rp damn nice

2010-06-29T08:56:00.001+08:00

wonderful cool weather today.. slight drizzle.. wish everyday as refreshing as today. and no not the heavy downpour :/

2010-06-22T08:58:00.001+08:00

10mins n still no bus... bright n sunny has became dark n gloomy. nt onli will the ride b packed but wet too :/

2010-06-18T09:26:00.001+08:00

wah piang stupid bus missed a 130kg 6'3" dude. Me!!!? Had to wait another 15min... nw cant haf kopi!

2010-06-14T09:04:00.001+08:00

aint ready for the holis to end.. still wanna hog my bed.. still wan the day to end without much thinkin :

2010-06-13T19:13:00.001+08:00

kkid was great! a must watch.. the original too

2010-06-13T14:47:00.001+08:00

not worth the time in circle line esp goin ms n u're late. 8min wait at dg station...

2010-06-10T15:02:00.001+08:00

want to buy spain's jersy but it costs $99!!

2010-06-09T12:37:00.001+08:00

its lunchtime and already I'm fallin asleep...geez

2010-06-08T14:02:00.001+08:00

man sip of redbull makes me want vodka in it

2010-06-08T09:47:00.001+08:00

a little rain wont dampen my spirits, but it does show how tired I am.. the cup is comin, so are more tests

2010-06-05T19:40:00.001+08:00

nightmare on elm street? exitment 0. overall crap

2010-06-05T19:39:00.001+08:00

nightmare on elm street? scare factor 1

2010-06-05T17:12:00.001+08:00

and I really get those air conditioned cots arghhh si warm!!!!

2010-06-05T17:09:00.001+08:00

supposed to meet at plaza sing 5.40 but I'm still at sbw... uh oh

2010-06-01T10:20:00.001+08:00

sick but lovin sch air con!

2010-05-31T09:12:00.003+08:00

fua liew eh bth the weather.. does not compliment to my flu damned

2010-05-31T09:12:00.001+08:00

fua liew eh bth the weather, my

2010-05-27T08:56:00.001+08:00

u gotta be jokin its 29degrees onli? feels like an effin 40!

2010-05-25T15:23:00.001+08:00

stupid thunderstorm... the lightning striked somewhere near my blk

Brand New Year... Brand new start... i hope...

2010-01-04T23:16:00.003+08:00

Wow, seems like my last post was so darn long ago...
Not that i've forgotten to post.. just that theres too much things going on
and didnt really had the time nor mood to do so...

Oh well... 2009 is the past.. and its over!
time to get over it and go forth!

Today, its the start of Sheryl's Pri1!
Mom, arent u happy? She's already 7!
Yet here i am 20years older.. haa
Everythings been going well... Dad and Sis are like 'like poles' that dont ever meet
and if they do, they somehow repel each other.. I'm still being the center of them..=(

Well, I'm having lotsa fun with my Nikky D90 though i lost my Nokia 5800 =(
Wasnt able to sign for Iphone since my plan hasnt ended, and now am thinking which 1 to get.. sheesh...
Next is the Desktop..
But then i realised... i'm outta CASH!
bleah... things are looking bleak for me.. oh well...
time to get kicking and moving =)

October...

2009-10-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

Never really liked this month, not mainly just because i'll be getting older soon...
But i reminds me of much things in the past..
where i started to dislike that certain day...

Mom.. Its your birthday soon... And i never could remember how many times we celebrated as a family..
Sigh....

This year... 2009, bad year.. + bad month...
So many of my friends having a harsh and bad time...
And all i could do is sit by thier side listening to thier story...
I'd tried to help... but what else is there i can do?

I'm a broken hearted man.. and my pockets are broken with holes...
I lost my trust in someone I thought i was well of with...
totally dissapointed with what people can do...*refer to previous post*

Now i'm looking back.. at the times i seek answers....
at the time i seek help...
but couldnt speak nor shout for one...

I'm depressed from my friend's problems and my own...
Where should i start to find the strength to carry on,

I'm soul-less, my heart's broken... and i lost my reason in life...

"Tonight the sunset means so much...
the one thing that you know you'll never touch.
Like the feeling, the real thing
I reach out for that sweet Dream...
But somehow the darkness wakes me up.

And i've felt this emptiness before...
but all the times that i've been broken...
I still run right back for more"

Year 2, Sem 2...

2009-10-06T20:23:00.002+08:00

Yea.. holidays ended, Sem 2 started...
looking at the harder modules now...
even though i got an award for Acad Excellence? haha..

Seems like october is really gonna be a very very buzy month for me...
Also, i'm dead broke....
Need to find a way to make my desktop live longer or to change it...
then my Sunglasses kinda gave way =\
bills are piling up...

I ran across her blog to find a new link on it.
Gee, how blind was i to believe what she said..
I ever told her, i don't wanna make the wrong choice,
and now i realised i have.

I wonder now, can i be heartless enough to place her out of mind, since she's already out of sight?
I presume she does not know how i felt so she made that silly and ignorable "I'll be back" haha...

Owell, time i threw away the pieces i was carefully trying to fix and see to it that i WONT be affected by her or with the things she said.

Congrats with what you're having =), if you even ever read this blog anymore.

hectic and a bad dry spell...

2009-09-23T05:15:00.002+08:00

Eventually got my PP approved easily and my HOLIDAYS are ending! aRgh!

Beh.. even so, i'm hit with a pretty bad hit on the expenditure...
cant really do much so friggin dry.
Theres so much i need to purchase but have to think thrice before i do so...
irritating...

Though lil xcube has been with me for so long, its screaming every night...
Dont think it'll last much longer on my desktop =(
Cant even hope to strike lottery hahaha no buy no hope =\

SEG Emcee event and paintball coming up.. g-daughter's bdae coming up...
worst of all? OCTOBER coming up....
sheesh... someone, just wake me up when september ends... er wait, don't wake me up, thats better

lost track of time...

2009-09-16T00:06:00.002+08:00

Oh man... i've totally lost track of time due to the amount of things i had to clear during the holidays.
And no, i'm not done with the list of things yet.. theres still outstanding stuff to clear.

Well, because of that i've forgotten about this blog and my time i spend with it.

Wonder what's been on my mind and why i kept thinking of that certain someone or something that i shouldnt have done, but did it anyway.
Am i regretting the chioces i've done? Have i realised that it was my stupid mistakes and impulsive decision that has led me to what i am today?
I don't know... all i know is i'm dead weak on the money to spend and i have to purchase alot of things lately.

Theres somethings that once you have bought, you cannot ask for the refund uh? sheesh...
well, seems like thats money well wasted i guess.

Finally finished my PP report and now getting ready for my Emcee role for SEG week. Not something easy T_T
and yea... comex2009 was a killer, did so many mistakes taking on the cashier solo! haha..

"Why do we repeat the History,
even when we learn about it.
And even if we knew how to prevent it,
we can only change wats the present, and not the past.
I've awaken to see, that Now is different from Then,
and Then is just not so distant away..."

The End Begins, The Begin of a New Start...

2009-08-27T15:09:00.002+08:00

Yeap...
its finally my holidays...
Exam ended with my last paper as a flop.. don't think the grade will turn out good at all....

And since now its the holidays, i've to complete my PP and work at the same time...
Then with upcoming school events on the line.. sigh... this is gonnabe such a strain.. oh well..

Seems like its been a long long long time since i posted something..
Too buzy with School work that i really couldnt bother to write something here...
Thoughts come and go... nothing different about me...
just that everytime i think about what has happened this year...
I kinda feel that i'm just that dumb.. to waste so much effort on something particularly not a part of my life.
I've made so many wrong chioces, and i just cant regret about it...
Sickening...

Remourse...

2009-08-06T03:12:00.003+08:00

The start of the month seemed awful...
the feeling of remourse grows...
every minute, every hour.. everything feels heavier...

I dare not wander much with the full moon...
With that a lone star sits far away from..
cloudless as it just rained not too long ago..
I keep thinking why did I ever make those choices?
and how could i have broken so many promises?

I guess its hard to pass off as a ladi back person uh?
I've done so much lately, I couldnt slow down..
Now that i've crashed so hard... I feel lost...
been unable to sleep, feeling restless and awake till late...
Oh how much i wonder can i keep on with these things...

Lately, i'm seeing that someone is going up and going down with her relationship..
frankly it has been bothering me...
but then again.. why should it? i've tried so hard to keep my feelings at bay...
but i know.. this was like what i said that time to her, "I'm just making sure i wont make the wrong decision"
HAH 1st wrong move of the year, or was it that going to school is the 1st wrong move?
why has it not crossed my mind that it wouldnt be real?
That its all just a waste of time?
Maybe because i was all too forgiving..

Mom, do you hear me?
my soul's screaming, and calling for you..
every beat of my heart aches and hurts my body..
I struggle to keep my pace in school,
And i come home to hear sis scream at sheryl...
Dad is a lil not concerned about whats happening.
How do you always seem to say, "you're fine" when people ask how are you?
I'm tired of lying.. but theres no need to say the truth..
Should i just stay silent, and blend into the darkness?

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

You know we’ve been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don’t know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in

Regrets steps in...

2009-07-31T00:56:00.002+08:00

Its been a wonderful week and i belive its going strong...
Had a blast from the school event as an emcee, host for the club's singing competition...
However, being heavy hearted lately, and things are pilling up...
I've not been able to control my emotions, and things are getting out of hands...
Unable to concentrate in class, not progressing even the slightest...
Temper's starting to grow, and to prevent it from going wrong i've laid down my decision.
Yeap.. i gave up being the host, thier emcee... i know its a tough decision.
I know it hurts the people who have fought so hard for this event, and everyone has worked so hard for it.

It feels just not too long ago, i remembered i said yes i'll do it...
and took on the role as webmaster as well. All these things has taken its toll on me, and i've felt rage calling.
I've yet to scream, but really dont want to. I've the urge to yell, but noone's there there to hear.

With my imaginations and emotionsrunning wild
Fueling my frustrations like a fire burning
It has gotten under my skin

The Passing wind, the loss of time...

2009-07-27T01:29:00.003+08:00

Time has been going oh so fast...
Keeping myself in check with things to do,
has taken a far more than i usually allow...
Am i really helping out too much?
Again, whether or not i chose to do it...
i have no regrets...

Its a pleasure to assist and help...
and its hard to say no when I really dont want to...
How'd i know why i always pick up the things people cant do...
and try to resolve it..

Its just a while more and i have to assist for a club in school to host
thier annual singing competition...
really feeling the jitters now.. wonder why.. haa.
Cant really remember my script.. hah, so its time to improvise...

feeling a lil down and lost lately...
but too buzy to sit back and think about it...
for now, all i can do is live through it a bit and wonder later on..

I'm just one of the countless pieces that makes up this world, but where do I stand?
Right now everything does not seems to makes sense to me at all
Uninstall

With hands all full...

2009-07-22T18:40:00.002+08:00

Its been quite a while for me to have time to do this...
no not complaining...
rather a real 'update' on this blog...

I'd love to complain right now, but i'm just too tired to do so....
UT2 just completed... and my UT1 are BBB B+ , average scoring...
hopfully my UT2s would have a couple of As.

International Students Club I-Star2009 is coming up...
its a singing competition but i aint a participant, but thier host/emcee...
then again, i just lost my voice and having the flu now...
think can tahan ma?
Right after thier auditions which ended yesterday, i had to prep the website
and photos for it.

Hoping that everything goes well, and i'll catch some early shut eyes tonight...

Lastly... i've been seeing darling in pain lots of it...
i pray that it goes well for her, peservere darling, you gotta...

Desktop com is really screaming at me now.. shutting myself off now..

Theres nothing left in this soul to say...
Theres nothing in this empty heart to borrow..
I've always been searching for an easier way...
But then again i wonder if i'll be here tomorrow...

feeling is like before the storm...

2009-07-03T02:01:00.000+08:00

right now,
everythin seems to be going damn well...
other than being tired, theres nothin i'd wanna complain about..

UT2 are coming, which also means we've almost completed Sem1 soon..
its already week 9 of the term.
However school's measure for H1N1 really sucks...
not only has it escalated to over 90 cases, they shortened and
have a time limit window for each year students for thier break outs.

If we were to be affected, these so called precautionary wouldnt make a diff..
beh, who cares..

Feeling overwhelmed, I take a dive
To a once overfilled but now empty place to hide.
The day you turned on me is the day I died,
And I've forgotten what it's like,
And how it feels to be alive.

Recalling....

2009-06-25T01:28:00.003+08:00

I've been so tired lately, everytime i sit down
i'd fall asleep...
And then theres that buzzing in my ear...
Yet to still go grab my referral to TTSH for my knee that has recovered...
then it brought back something i didnt want to remember...
the reason i was even there..

Been having weird sights during my sleep about me
being with someone...
doing things i wouldnt have done..
and i realised, i've did just that, not too long ago.
I'd writhe in pain but theres other things i need to tend to first..

Then looking through my sms-es..
I believed to have felt so happy in this year...
and knowing it would have ended in the same year...
i saw the sms-es sent by darl, and i've wondered
did i really do all those things for her?
There was 1, that told me to leave my mark,
which i responded with an engagement ring.. too farfetched uh?
so it turned down to the Tiff n Co ring that I've stashed away..
it was bought as a set, proof of us being together.
Only to know soon after, the ring was pointless.
So i placed my mark, which wasnt on permanant ink ha..
Tho it aches to see those sms-es, it does tell me I was well loved...
am not sure if i did the things correctly or not,
but i know now, it was never meant to be that simple.

Wonder if i can delete those memories, if i delete those sms-es...
I want to look back now.. but it seems impossible..
I tried moving forward, then i felt the pulling in my chest..
Whats going on?

Sis is looking alot better now.. eating and moving much more..
I believe she'll be all healed soon, however she needs to go job hunting
soon again.. haiz..
Guess these things just never ends uh?

Death until the dust, and i'm waiting
Ruined in the rust, of my craving
It feels like, it feels like
I did'nt know the cost, of my betrayal?
I'm the one that's lost, I'm gonna fail
It feels like, it feels like I'm gasping with all my might

Nothing's going right...

2009-06-23T03:30:00.003+08:00

sigh...
ever since Sheryl had chicken pox..
i've been afraid of getting it...
and now that sis caught it...
although she has recovered from the poxxing,
it seems that it has affected her via the nuerons...

Sis's going through a tough time recovering..
Its a tough sight...
the way she reacts and looks right now reminds me
about Mom, 2 years ago...
saying she'd just wanna die so the pain will go away...

Why couldnt it have had been me who has this pox?
So that sis wont suffer like that?
I'm praying hard that she recovers well...
and from everything around..

I'm having lots of sleepless nights...
and unable to wake up for school..
Losing alot from school now...
surely my grades are down the drain now...
Just too ignorant to do anything else...
even for school..

I'm glad i've so many friends who'd stand by me..
if i'm about to fall...
but i know.. i wont ask from them...
if i were to fall.. i'd just drown...
Its ok if i were to lose everything..
I'm already content with what i have...
Tho i have no aim.. and no reason to live,
i shouldnt be a part of anyone's problems.

Please lord, take everyone's problems away..
and heal my sis..
i'll take her place if i could and you would..
I dont ask for much.. but these..
I'm baring and theres nothing left i know...
theres an urge to quit school now...
since my pocket's dry..
My heart's empty and my mind's wiped..

Nobody wants to be alone...
so do i..

I’ve been caught sideways out here on the crossroads
Trying to buy back the pieces I lost of my soul
It’s hard when the devil won’t get off your back
It’s like carrying around the past in a hundred pound sack

Lousy streak again...

2009-06-18T02:59:00.003+08:00

Damn... seems like a super lousy streak i'm having...
Doing UTs badly.. don think i'll be getting any As this time round...

Tired from the PCShow.. and i aint able to cope in school again...
argh... really hate my decision to upgrade a year ago now...
did i make a lousy chioce? cause so far, it seems like i'm regrettin..
crap...

Then during the PC show week, my HDD died...
yes... my WD 500gb.. external...
full of my downloaded stuff and most importantly PICTURES!
ARGH!!!!!!!
it was my back up of backups! and its gone...

When is all this gonna stop?
Fuck it

Divided...

2009-06-12T02:51:00.002+08:00

Oh man...
PC show.....SHIONG!
Sales are going strong... and i'm running up and down the store like mad...
Knees hurt, back hurt... argh....

I'm feeling very exhausted... but i just cant get myself to sleep...
Still feeling bothered.. dunno by what..
Gotta keep my mind off this asap....

Rashes are back again... Even the flu doesnt wanna go...
haha i'm just that loveable by em eh?

Crappy school moved UT date to 15th!
Show ends at 14th!
Jia lat... no time to study... hai....

The lyrics from Linkin Park's New divde says alot...
and to me it means alot...
Heres the last bridge
In every loss
in every lie
In every truth that you’d deny
And each regret
and each goodbye
was a mistake to great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
to prove me wrong
to wash this
memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason
to fill this hole
connect the space
between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide

Home's PoxED!

2009-06-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

Sheesh!
Sheryl was down with CHICKEN POX last week!
And it has reached my SISTER!
They only found out today that it is CHICKEN POX TODAY!

ARGHHHHH
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
DO NOT INFECT me just yet!!
Got the PC Show and 2 UTs to clear!

I know it wont go right anyway..
Nothin ever does...
So i'm just complaining to myself...
Praying to myself... zzzz

Bothered....by... something....

2009-06-10T03:36:00.002+08:00

Couldnt get myself to sleep...
even being so tired...
aches everywhere...
back's really bad...
but what can i do? i cant let people down...
i'd do what i can, till i cant tick anymore...

However, theres something bothering me...
Not quite sure exactly... Its there... but then again...
Its not...?

I seek for answers..
That usually opposes my thoughts....
Would there be a remedy? I'm not too sure...
Too much things i need to let go and move on...
Those are the things i hold on to yet most tightly...

What am I to the people around me?
A tool? A past time?
Am i Disposible? or Reusable?
Damn... Why am I even thinking about all these...

Its gonna be a tough mid to end of year now...
gotta hang on with whatever theres left in my wallet....
I'm not gonna last long enough.. that i'm sure...
I'm sorry darling, for i've done my best...
In sights to see you smile...
doubtfully i'll be able to... ever..
The joke you said over msn.. hangs over me...
The thought makes me wanna kill myself...

Whats there to know?
The truth hurts the most...
Whats there to seek?
Since I've no need...

Why do I carry on these thoughts...
When it brings my fears out...
Why do I hold on to what's over..
When it stays on and hovers...

Mom...
I dont think i can carry on much longer...
I've really used up all my strength...
I've got no more zeal to do anything else...
My mind's set to lying down.. and sleeping forever...
Every night makes me want to never wake up...
Should I just give up on everything?
And leave them all as it should?
Should I just be less bothered about others?
And be more heartless then selfless?
How did you manage to handle so much...
And yet still stay strong?
sigh...

In between lines...

2009-06-08T01:49:00.002+08:00

Its again the period of the Full moon..
that detestable sight...
where clouds aint visible, and its either full white or pale orange...

I'm searching for myself...
Wonder where i've misplaced myself in these few months
The feeling of being lost... The feeling of looking for something...
I've been asked by a few... "How are you lately?"
My immediate answer would either be, "Alive" or "Not too sure"

I'm trying to be happy, knowing that theres no reason to...
I'm trying to think i can go on.. knowing that I dont really want to...
Life's getting boring.. so much so that i just wanna sleep it through...

I know i have nothing to brood about... nothing to smile about...
So what should i be feeling? In between? Emoile? (Emo + smile)

It seems darling's is really down..
with all her problems here and there..
I cant do anything even if i wanted to...
and similarly to her... i'd wan to go for a holiday too!
But would i feel any different after going for 1?
sigh..

I know how many times I said
I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste
the purest of pain.
I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying

The feel of being lost...

2009-06-03T02:10:00.002+08:00

Ever felt that everything you do is useless?
Everything you said is ignored?
Everything you've done was a waste?
Well.. i Have...
And its back again to huant me...

Wonder if i'm putting too much effort into doing things
for people, and not for me....

It seems that darling is having trouble with her work..
and her studies are really not getting on well...
hope she does her bestest!
tho i know what i say here is only words.. nothing else...
We chatted quite abit... and it seems that she's having a lot of troubles with him...
I'm sad that she is... its breaking my heart that someone would do that to darling...
But i cant do anything....
"The truth is... I gave my life away a long time ago,
my whole ... and I never really got it back"
She asked me whats with this msn nick i placed?
Well darling, i gave my life to you... which was my everything...
however, it seems that i've not taken it all back.. rather i didnt...
I'm standing right here.. thinking if i should/could...
i really dont know...
We finally spoke on the phone... for a mere 3min conversation..
was panting heavily so i couldnt hear you.. that day...
fate put me not able to see you either.. oh well... nothing ever goes my way anyway..
getting to chat with you and hear you is all i can ask for..
And i wont ask for more.. I'm not in the position to do so....
You also said your blog posts your happy memories, and you said i was part of those happy times... but they werent blogged now, were they? haha....*silly joke*
However darling...
"Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad,
but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living"

Feeling overwhelmed... i take a dive..
To a once overfilled but now empty place to hide...
The day you turned on me is the day i died...
And i've forgotten how it feels to be alive...

I've spent my time not so wisely...
none with my family... most at school... and a lil at work...
sigh.. being tired is 1 thing... stupid flu is still lingering...
I dread the stupid weather thats coming along... argh...

Mom... we've all missed you...
I'm dead tired.. and can't think of any other ways to go on..
I've spent my remaining strength doing what i should.. and some i shouldnt..
I know i've not done well...
Guide me to do better.. guide me to see your smile...
I've lost the sanity in me.. and i cant wait to break it off....

I'd try to reach out to the sky...
when nothing seems to go right for me...
then again.. whats remained for me to grab?
As all i see is just pitch black and empty...

I pieced back my heart to only shatter it again...
so i dusted it all away.. and leave it all in my mind...
I can't bear to lose her.. but i can't have her...
So as long as she's all smiles.. i'd go with my eyes closed...

Whats going through my head....?

2009-05-27T03:48:00.002+08:00

Been very buzy lately...
not having enought time to sleep...
Stupid UTs are killing me... gotta score well for them... sigh...
Am still up right now cause i fell asleep once i got home till 12am...

Gotta wake up later to go back school for a class mugging session...
Then theres Club meeting... And some IG stuff that i must clear off...

Cough seems to be persistant... and gettin on my nerves...

Its been such a rushing and buzy week...
So much things going on...
Sis just started work... and Sheryl got some rashes...
So both of them on 'Mc'....
ISC Club wants me to be thier Emcee for an event...
and the Aeromodelling IG training has begun....
1 out of 4 UTs are done... friday is the hardest 1...
Screams at home are more persistant than my coughs...

Sigh...
Why am I doing all these?
Worst of all? Had a shock on Sunday.. chinese gal in class told me she likes me...
Its a long story, but she kinda made me reject her, even before she told me she likes me...
man...

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes

Every minute feels longer than before...

2009-05-22T01:41:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired...
but i cant rest...
Even if i could, its not peaceful...
My mind has too much to think of, remember of...
right now i'm so messed up... i cant think straight...

I cant take this challange much longer...
dont think i wanna pull through anyway...
its a friday and i feel its a short while to hell again next week...
sigh...

Flu's getting worst... prolly gonna take quite a while...
Guess its a long way up when you've fallen quite abit...
My mind is on something.. though i know i shouldnt...
I gotta press on... not to walk back into that fire..
I wasn't burnt, but didnt like the feeling...
this shows how much of a loser i am... bleah..

Theres a test later.. and i'm sure its gonna be bad...

I'm picking the pieces of whats left...
It seems harder each day to stand up again...
I'm drowning, and I don't really care...
Why can't I just seek the strength to move on?

What seemed light, now seems heavy....

2009-05-21T00:43:00.002+08:00

Dont really think i can follow up well with classes... sigh...
The strain is really killing me...
When can i even get the hang of my classwork?
Totally just proves, my academic level is just crap shit.

Easily getting tired lately...
Stupid flu aint making things easy...
and after the backache from last week's 7 Frame bowl...
This upcoming UTs seems to be taking a real chunk outta me...

Later is a real bad combination of Microcontroller Systems (Programming)
and Analogue Electronics UT...arghhh
gonna be a real tough day...

Need the friggin flu to die off quickly..
the cough and sneeze is really distracting me...
and yea the blocked nose is a bother...argh...

Sheryl pissed sis off again.. sigh...
She's becoming such a notti lil devil...
bickering back at her mom... sigh.. wonder where she got that from...
Dad's been quite silent lately...
Wonder if theres anything wrong...
Sis just started work... means her stress is gonna pour in soon...
And i really need to buck up... and give myself a good kick in the butt...
Sorry everyone.. its hard to take it easy and rest....
Too many things lined up.. so much that its hard to breathe....

"For so long
I have been an island
When no one could ever reach the shores
So please believe me
For these words i say are true
If you ask will i'll be true
Do i give my everything to you
I will only say, I do.."

Unable to forget....

2009-05-17T03:20:00.002+08:00

As the day turns to night, and the night turns to day...
every single minute i think of you...i seek the chance
to hear you, to see you...to feel you.... once again...
Though i know its a long shot... and it really wouldnt happen...
I'm still doing it...
silly lil bugger i've become...
Well but its ok.. i'll let it eat into me...
till i'm dry and till i dont breathe no more...
Cos i said to you, that i'd promise you.. i'll wait..

Do I ever cross your mind (anytime?)
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind (anytime?)
I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you

No more… loneliness and heartache
No more… crying myself to sleep
No more… wondering about tomorrow

Wont you come back to me (come back to me)

Tired... tired... tired!

2009-05-16T19:10:00.002+08:00

Just realised its already the weekend...
Been so tired lately...
rushing with school work and lotsa club stuff...

Theres not even time to do revision dammit!
UTs are coming... wonder if i can survive this....

Feeling more sick lately...
but i know the flu is going away soon...
Time is killing me now...
both enough and too much of it...

Insufficient or too much?

2009-05-14T01:57:00.002+08:00

Man...
At one instance... i dont have enough of time...
at another... time passes by so slowly....

Been buzy lately.. so much to do...
so much to handle...
juggling revision, classes, IG in school...
really have no time to do anything...
it even seems like a rush to sit down and rest or to have a bite for breakfast or lunch...
not that i dont want to eat... but there really isnt even time to do so... sigh...

time sure passes through slowly when i'm home...
lying on my bed... as thoughts run through my head...
its getting harder and harder to fall asleep...
thinking about tomorrow, the day after and what happened today..
then of course.. she's always on my mind..
its really been a while now...

At times i feel like letting go...
of hanging onto this life...
one thats leading no where...
have been treated like a toy...
or a pincushion for pain... sigh...
I seek for my time to end...
Where i can finally rest..
In peace, not pieces...

Its hard returning to the point where we were just friends...
Here as i stand, my heart bears a scar which could never mend...
My heartbeat ceased, since the day i looked into your eyes....
It was you being next to me, that kept me going under those skies...

Dragging myself....

2009-05-11T23:55:00.004+08:00

Classes are already a big strain on me...
now i have to assist in a School's club...
So tired.. really so tired...
Even after so much sleep, so much rest...
I'm still drained out...

Will i be able to survive long enough to graduate?
I really wonder...

The flu is finally giving...
The cough isnt tho...
Gonna take a while for everything to fall back into place i guess...

I still think of her.. day and night
wondering what she's doing... and how she's doing...
She's still a part in everything i do...
In every minute of the passing time...
I wonder if i'll be strong enough to see this through...

A Mother's Day

2009-05-11T04:15:00.000+08:00

Visited Mom today...
Couldnt help it when my tears rolled down...
I felt my heart ached, as i said "Mom, i love you... and we all missed you"
as Sheryl and my sis were standing beside...
as I lifted Sheryl to put our flowers,
my heart wrenched as Sheryl said "Popo... I love you"...
See Mom?
we totally miss you... theres nothing else to say...
All i could do, was hope that you'd hear us...
Smiling at us.. giving the warmth that you'd usually do...

Sis, A Happy Mother's Day to you..
Tho its been a harsh year for you to look after Sheryl
I'm sure everything will be better...
I'm of not much help... Pardon me.. but i'll try my bestest..

Another Mother's Day greeting goes to Darl...
As from Chrys's blog.. No matter what decision you've made,
As long as you're happy, i'm fine with that...
I was thinking of you so much this weekend,
However, it seems that every thought has a bitter end...so
Right now, I dont know if i should... Cause
I do, I really do love you.. and wanna wait for you...
and everytime i see your pictures with him... esp on the laptop...
I cant help but feel myself breakdown... and feel stupid...

Sigh... i wanna say it... but i cant...
I needa do it... but i wont...
Stupid me... foolish me...
wheres my resolve? what am i doing?

If I walk away now
There's no turning around
Gotta say what I mean
While you're here with me
I'm not sure I'll find words
To cover the hurt
That I see in your eyes
But I gotta try

I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if you stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you

I still and really do...

What a hectic day...

2009-05-08T01:58:00.002+08:00

Man....it was a jammed packed Thursday!
I was about to explode with the amount of stress...
first it was class... Microcontroller Programming almost killed me!
Didnt have enough time to complete the coding, but lucky me...
Got it done phew...
And because of this stupid Module, i had to skip breakfast, lunch...
then after school it was a IG introduction... made me skip dinner...
Then had to help my friend in school to fix something on the com...
After that... 10.30pm, a few rounds of bowling at CDANS...

All in all? I didnt eat and survived such a hectic day! WooT
But i'm feeling all so drained...
Dont even feel like going school later...
but i cant... already skipped one...

The flu is killing me...
cough... muscle aches.. shortness of breaths...bleah....

Darl, i didnt literally mean, i'm shutting myself or you off today...
I just wanna make sure that, you're concentrating on your work and studies and rest...
You seem to be putting my problems onto youself...
You aint supposed to.. Dont want him to somehow find out and get it onto you again...
I assure you... That its all the same.. i'm still here....
I'll still be in 1 piece... just as long as you are =)

I'm prolly affected by the weather and thinking too much...
I miss the times we had so much... so so so much...
But it seems to be getting further and further away...
But hey, i'll still wait... Cause you meant a lot to me...
And i promised you that i'll give you everything...

School fees are up... $1k gonna fly soon...
sigh... means lesser to do soon... >.<
Wonder will i pull through...
Each day is eating into me... more and more...

You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything